Saturday, 11 October 2003

Archer Salutes Limbaugh

Archer Salutes Limbaugh

At the risk of annoying my fellow progressives, I wish Rush Limbaugh a speedy return to the EIB network, even though the EIB Network doesn't exist--Limbaugh made it up, along with nearly everything else he broadcasts, such as How the Sidwell Friends School Taught Chelsea Clinton To Hate White People.

While you may actually doubt that the quiet Quaker school in Friendship Heights ever taught Chelsea any such thing, it is an impressive fact that millions of dittoheads don't doubt it at all, simply because Rush Limbaugh said it. This is a singular and noteworthy achievement. Limbaugh is a magician. Into the hat goes a factory belching cyanide and arsenic, and--SHAZAM!--out of the hat comes a HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL. And he gives it to you!

You're rich, by God!

You have a hundred smackers!

And those people squawking about cyanide--THEY WANT TO TAKE IT AWAY!

Gaze in awe.

We have to take a break, folks.

It's the voice, mostly. Limbaugh croons. His baritone can swoop and dive and do backflips. Next to him, Dan Rather sounds like an actuary. Others compete: Laura Ingraham's rough baritone can charm, as can Sean Hannity's toy drum. But Limbaugh is of a rarer order. You'd pay good money to hear him lie, just as you'd pay to hear Pavarotti sing. Limbaugh is the Figaro of the fib, the Don Giovanni of deceit. Catching his act is one of America's guilty pleasures. I wish him well, and I hope he beats the drug rap.

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