Monday, 6 October 2014

"A twelve-year-old attacker?"

"A twelve-year-old attacker?"

"Hey, no one's ideal."

Actually, nooo, however -

"Also you gotta be awed with him- -assaulting two young ladies without a moment's delay. Obviously they were eight and nine."

"Also what does this need to do with me?"

I was speaking to the child on his bid, it turned out. All things considered, not by any means -I was still a law understudy -however I would compose the short. The child was upstate at an office.

This Court finds that the litigant, matured twelve, commonly bigger and heavier than the two whining kids, did on the date and at the time affirmed keep them persuasively and without wanting to on the roof of 16551 East 174th Street, and overlooking their battles and endeavors to escape did coercively have sex with each one grumbling witness...

"Nectar," I said when I returned home, "I'm speaking to a twelve-year-old attacker."

My wife took a gander at me. At that point she said:

"What's the deal with you with your life?"


The issue with the conviction was that the two young ladies ought to have been pledged to their promise. They weren't sworn. That is illegal, even in adolescent court. I rang the attorney who had attempted the case.

"Is it true that they were so terrified it would have been impossible swear?"

The fellow began snickering.

"Frightened? When they saw your customer in the corridor they ran up to him and began clowning and laughing and horsing around."

"Get out."

"Pledge to fucking God. They had themselves a fine outdated on the top, those three, and afterward one of them gabbed it around and it returned to the parental units, and after that it got to the cops, and here we are. Good fortunes. You'll win on the issue and the thing will get re-listened, and he'll lose once more."


"I got a huge news streak for you. Individuals dislike little children fucking."

I had just been during a time of graduate school. I works. My administrator checked everything up. I drudged some more. I drudged late into the nighttime. More markups. Documenting date neared. The last draft didn't get returned. I gathered that was uplifting news. The concise returned, printed up- -desktop printing and text styles being a couple of years later on -and there, at the bottom right, was the legend:

On the Brief:

Bowman (law understudy)

Managing Attorney: Really Mean Old Lawyer With Markup Pen

"Look, nectar," I said when I returned home, "here's my short about the twelve-year-old attacker."

She took a gander at me.

"I trust he's in prison," she said.


The case was contended in the eyes of the claims court a couple of weeks after the fact. I went and viewed. Three judges in robes jabbed and nudged at my contentions. MY contentions! I had a bit of a minor smash on the legal advisor who really contended the case. She contended three different offers that morning. At that point the mid year was over, and it was the ideal time for the shoreline.

The choice descended in mid-October. Turned around and remanded, 3-0. The 12-year-old child was returning. The supposition, distributed in the law books, cited my short. Alright, my manager's concise that had my name on it. OK, it was my supervisor's dialect -generally. Alright, allow me the fuck to sit unbothered, it was my concise and had my name on it and they cited it.

I drifted, acted, gloated, demonstrated the short around. I had any kind of effect!

The child was retried inside a month. This time, the young ladies were appropriately sworn. The child got sentenced again and sent back upstate.

I was down and out.

"My twelve-year-old attacker got indicted once more," I said.

My wife took a gander at me. At that point she said:

"Did you take out the refuse?"

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

A Saltwater Finfish

A tuna is a saltwater finfish that lies in the tribe Thunnini, a sub-grouping of the mackerel family (Scombridae) – which in common with the tunas also comprises the bonitos, mackerels, and Spanish mackerels. Thunnini encompasses 15 species across five genera, the sizes of which differ very much, ranging from the bullet tuna (max. length: 50 cm (1.6 ft), weight: 1.8 kg (4 lb)) up to the Atlantic bluefin tuna (max. length: 4.6 m (15 ft), weight: 684 kg (1,508 lb)). The bluefin averages 2 m (6.6 ft), and is deemedto live for up to 50 years.

Their circulatory and respiratory systems are sole among fish, allowing them to keep a body temperature higher than the surrounding water. An active and agile predator, the tuna has a smooth, sleek body, and is among the speediest-swimming pelagic fish – the yellowfin tuna.

Friday, 1 March 2013

Tuna fish

The tuna is a sleek and streamlined fish, adapted for speed. It has two closely spaced dorsal fins on its back; the first being "depressible” it can be laid down, flush, in a groove that runs along its back. Seven to 10 yellow finlets run from the dorsal fins to the tail, which is lunate curved like a crescent moon and tapered to pointy tips. The caudal peduncle, to which the tail is attached, is quite thin, with three stabilizing horizontal keels on each side. The tuna's dorsal sides is generally a metallic dark blue, while the ventral side, or underside, is silvery or whitish, for camouflage.

Tuesday, 17 July 2012


Tuna are a group of salt water fish from the family Scombridae, particularly of the genus Thunnus. Tuna are fast swimmers, and some species are capable of speeds of 70 km/h (43 mph). Unlike most fish, which have white flesh, the muscle tissue of tuna ranges from pink to dark red. The red coloration derives from myoglobin, an oxygen-binding molecule, which tuna express in quantities far higher than most other fish. Some larger tuna species, such as bluefin tuna, display some warm-blooded adaptations, and can raise their body temperatures above water temperatures by means of muscular activity. This enables them to survive in cooler waters and to inhabit a wider range of ocean environments than other types of fish.

Saturday, 11 October 2003

Archer Salutes Limbaugh

Archer Salutes Limbaugh

At the risk of annoying my fellow progressives, I wish Rush Limbaugh a speedy return to the EIB network, even though the EIB Network doesn't exist--Limbaugh made it up, along with nearly everything else he broadcasts, such as How the Sidwell Friends School Taught Chelsea Clinton To Hate White People.

While you may actually doubt that the quiet Quaker school in Friendship Heights ever taught Chelsea any such thing, it is an impressive fact that millions of dittoheads don't doubt it at all, simply because Rush Limbaugh said it. This is a singular and noteworthy achievement. Limbaugh is a magician. Into the hat goes a factory belching cyanide and arsenic, and--SHAZAM!--out of the hat comes a HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL. And he gives it to you!

You're rich, by God!

You have a hundred smackers!

And those people squawking about cyanide--THEY WANT TO TAKE IT AWAY!

Gaze in awe.

We have to take a break, folks.

It's the voice, mostly. Limbaugh croons. His baritone can swoop and dive and do backflips. Next to him, Dan Rather sounds like an actuary. Others compete: Laura Ingraham's rough baritone can charm, as can Sean Hannity's toy drum. But Limbaugh is of a rarer order. You'd pay good money to hear him lie, just as you'd pay to hear Pavarotti sing. Limbaugh is the Figaro of the fib, the Don Giovanni of deceit. Catching his act is one of America's guilty pleasures. I wish him well, and I hope he beats the drug rap.

Friday, 10 October 2003


"Tuna Fish News" is named in honor of the late Laura Nyro, who published her immortal "Stoned Soul Picnic" and "Eli's Comin' " in the late 1960's and early 1970's under the imprimatur of Tuna Fish Music. So far as I know, Laura Nyro's masterpieces are known only to Boomers, which just proves that we are actually the greatest generation, or at least the best-laid.